Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
