Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
