I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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