I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
