I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
