he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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