if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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