I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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