somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
