I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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