what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
