I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize