Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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