Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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