i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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