hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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