my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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