I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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