youre lurking in front of me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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