do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
