Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
