The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
