TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
