could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
