Don't make out with my wife yet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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