Soap is not a condiment
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
