im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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