I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just cropdusted the office
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
