omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
