the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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