If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love you. Go after that dick
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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