All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
