We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
