remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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