I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
