you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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