I could make wine with my vomit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
