After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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