my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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