I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
