It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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