like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
