pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
