i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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