I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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