Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
