nut hugger
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
