i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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