I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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