he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
