Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
