The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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