ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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