I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
