we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
