Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found your dick twin last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
