I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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