I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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