as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
