i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
