it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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