I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
