Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
