Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
