I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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