So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
