While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
