i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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