You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
