you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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