Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
