I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
