GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
