I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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