tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Green mimosas i think yes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
