just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
