i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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