I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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